darn that dream

After much deliberation, I have decided to accept the recently offered position of CEO of the newly formed Lincolnshire & Norfolk Recorded Jazz Appreciation Society. In the past I have sought to avoid such commitments, reasoning that time generally is too short, and my remaining time specifically is even shorter; I have had many other things to achieve before my allotted span reaches its natural conclusion.

Just lately I’ve had the inclination to reassess values and priorities. A review of my life so far revealed that my total of achievements stands at nil. Here is not the place to dilate on reasons why, or what, I have not achieved. Suffice to report that my sole achievement throughout my 60-odd years is to be the only likely candidate for the dubious accolade of “lifetime non-achievement award.”

When it was mooted that I should be the leader of LANRJAS, my first response was to refuse politely. However, I realised that the role would not be so much a burden to be endured during my declining years, but more an opportunity to redress the balance of failure and success. I looked deeply at the litany of unrealised ambitions, the metaphorical library of unwritten novels and orchestra of musical instruments unlearnt, and I experienced an epiphanical moment. I re-organised my list of things to achieve before I die. Right at the top, I wrote: become the CEO of a jazz appreciation society. Ergo! I have finally achieved.

Membership currently stands at one. I am that one. The decision to appoint me as CEO was unanimous. The work now ahead of me is alarming. First, the membership must meet to define objectives and codify a mission statement. Working as a team, I must formulate a modus operandi and produce some form of Memorandum of Agreement defining how the society is to be managed. The society’s newsletter needs a punchy banner heading and I’m not good at anything demanding pith and brevity. Then I should commence garnering articles and reviews to go into the newsletter, interesting snippets and comments from among the membership. Policy decisions must be made. Do we, for example, accept advertising in the newsletter? Will the newsletter benefit from having a crossword? If so, how often? And what about a Christmas competition? And these are just a few of the important decisions to be made. And I haven’t started the Christmas shopping yet.

For a while I was quite proud of myself because I’d actually succeeded in producing a membership list, but somehow I contrived to close the computer without saving it, so now I must start all over again. Organisation is not my forte – and yet suddenly I find myself catapulted into a key organisation role. I have obviously taken on more than my fragile constitution is able to stand. I see only one choice ahead of me – I must resign as CEO of LANRJAS.

I’ve written myself a letter and have accepted my resignation, with regret of course. The Lincolnshire and Norfolk Recorded Jazz Appreciation Society has reverted to being purely a figment of my imagination. As a child, my dreams were so vivid and consistent that I began to wonder which life was real. I worried: what if my dreams are the reality and the reality is actually a dream? Do I have my own Hornby 00 train set or is there merely space in the cupboard where one should be? LANRJAS was a dream and for a scintilla in time could have been a reality. Now there’s just another space in my toy cupboard.