keep on knockin'...

Suddenly, I want to know about my Jewishness. After a life time of disinterest, if not uninterest, my curiosity has finally been pricked and I find myself seeking new knowledge about the life of a people that I feel otherwise are destined forever to be a mystery to me.


My paternal forebears were Germanic Jewish. If I go back far enough (to the late 19th century) they were all even fully-fledged Jews. Am I allowed to differentiate without breaking moral ethnic codes? I ask because strictly speaking I’m an in-betweener. I don’t actually belong anywhere. If Hitler had succeeded, I’m one of those post-war people who would have tasted the bitterness of the man’s ‘Final Solution’ by virtue of my name (Dodman is a soubriquet) and probably appearance. On the other hand, Jews don’t want to know me because my mother and grandmother were gentiles, and we all know Jewishness passes down through the maternal bloodline. So I’m stuck in the middle – out on my own: damned as if I were and damned because I’m not.

One of my first objectives, therefore, is to determine whether the Hebraic way of life is a religion, a race or a culture. I feel this is a valid starting point because I’m not in the least religious; in fact I eschew all forms of religion. Eternal life! Can you imagine anything worse? Also, if Jewishness is a race I can’t suddenly perform a Kafkaesque metamorphosis as something I’m not already. Cultures on the other hand can be learnt and assimilated.

Let me make this clear: I’m not applying for membership. I’m not even sure I know anyone well enough to ask for sponsorship. And I’m not like Treslove in ‘The Finkler Question,” the man for whom the status of vicarious Jew by association was the result of his ambition to be accepted and absorbed into Jewishness.

This is rather a ground level “Who do you think you are?” question. I’m not fussed about knowing where I fit into the theoretical grand scheme of things. Intellects far superior to mine have tried (and failed) to make philosophical sense of the meaning of life. I’m more pragmatic.

Being almost 64, I realise that if I don’t educate myself now I probably never will. I failed at school and school failed at me. As a result, I launched myself into the adult world with the belief that I’d finished learning. So I was late acquiring the inquisitive impetus to discover more. As an opsimath, I now want to know about my family’s Jewish history. Genealogy has been my pastime (pun intended) for many years, but only recently have I delved back far enough to uncover solid pedigree Jewish roots. And I’m swamped and wallowing in ignorance.

Recent research has been an eye opener. So far, I’ve found over 600 German Jews with whom I can claim a direct (if meandering) lineage. And yet I know nothing about Jewishness, motives and aspirations, life and culture, apart from what I learnt through “The Merchant of Venice.” Is this irony? I played Shylock. Could Mr Morrison at Dartford West have been more perceptive that I thought?

I have a long way to go. From what I understand from my readings, even elderly Jews who have been Jews all their lives have no idea what Jewishness is. But I’m making a start. I’m about to download ‘Oliver Twist’ to my Kindle. I shall study intently.

Shalom.